Each year, whether we like to think of it this way or not, our lives are changed. We’re not the person at the end of the year that we were at the beginning. For better or for worse. Something has changed.
We might not even be able to put our finger on it at first. But as we deal with our actions and our decisions, process what we learn and experience, and live our day to day lives, we evolve and grow. Whether we want to change or not.
This week, I’d like to spend some time focusing on these changes. I want for you to become aware that they happened. Acknowledge them. Thank them. And if necessary, mourn your losses…or celebrate this new, more evolved, you.
How Were You Changed or Transformed This Year?
Looking over my year, I’d have to say that my biggest change or transformation came from discovering new family and getting clarity on some old memories. You see, mother died when I was a young girl about 5 or 6. And I
have had very few memories of her.
I didn’t know it then, but she was trapped in a relationship that was very painful to her (emotionally and quite possibly even physically). She was able to get out and find love and was lucky enough to have another child. Sadly, once she passed away, my brother and I were completely isolated from this other half of our family.
This year, I reconnected with them (this is the short version, after all). And in connecting with my sister and my step-father, I’ve also been lucky enough to connect with my mother.
My memories of that time have always been scattered and made very little sense to me. Thanks to my step-father, I’m now able to get a somewhat clearer image of that time. But more importantly, my step-father is digitizing old poems of my mother’s and photos and I’m getting the chance to actually know my mother.
I’m not only able to get to know her better as a woman – through the eyes of a woman – but I’m also now able to see parts of her in me. Everything from the silly (wow, she enjoyed drinking tea too) to the more complex (she did everything in her powers to make sure we enjoyed what little time left we had together). As I look closer over the pictures, I’m able to identify more of her physical traits in myself as well (and learning that my half-sister also shares a few of these traits…like our curly hair – that I love, but she and mom didn’t).
And while all of this may have little influence on my business (though I am sharing it now, as an example of change and transformation), it was a HUGE part of how much I have changed and grown this year. And I’m loving every step of this new journey I’m taking with my new family.
What Did You Release or Let Go Of This Year?
Ah…letting go. Wouldn’t our lives be so much easier if we just learned to let shit go? Rhetorical question, I know.
This year, I don’t know exactly when or where, but I learned to become really clear on what’s my shit and what’s not my shit. And to let go of anything that’s not mine.
Which also means, I’m much better at walking away from what in the past would surely have turned into an argument (or at the very least, an overly dramatic and aggravating conversation). I’m able to not get pulled into those high drama tizzies that we sometimes seem to get pulled into with our family and friends.
I find that these days, when I’m in one of those moments, and the comeback (or my righter-than-right counter to your obviously wronger-than-wrong statement – joking!) is on the tip of my tongue I find myself taking a gulping breath and saying a simple “okay” or “you’re right” and letting things drop right then and there. You should see how the drama deflates.
And I’d like to say that it’s saved my sanity quite a few times over the past year. Just the mere act of having less drama in my life because I’m letting go of my need to engage or to be right (or to right the wrongs of the world or feed the trolls), has made my life more peaceful. My business more focused (to an extent, anyway). And my home more loving.
My husband will tell you that I still have a bit of a knack for “rehearsing for my one-woman show” (you know, that highly emotional drama we all seem to like to play the lead in) from time to time. But these days, that’s more about those times when my computer (or a program or an app or whatever) isn’t working as I might expect it or want it, to work.
And I have to say, if I had to release something that’s been bogging me down in my business and my life, I’m thrilled that it’s something so crazy useful. I mean, the ability to just “let it go” and walk away from a dramatic (and often toxic) engagement…priceless!
Next Thursday, I’ll be sharing another Looking Back | Looking Forward journaling exercise. I encourage you to set some time aside this week (and each week), to ponder, journal or create in response to these questions so that you can help create the business (or the life) that you envision for 2013.
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